Butter sea~

Pensaba en algunas cosas. En los problemas que un valioso amigo me habia puesto en cara, que si bien sabia que estaban ahi, ignoraba la repercusion de estos. Problemas graves con mi personalidad. Y no es que me moleste quien soy, me acepto y trato de entender que es mi forma de ser, pero hay tantos pequenios "quirks" que odio de mi. Porque se que hace 12 anios atras, yo no deseaba esto para mi. Solia ser mas madura, mas centrada de mente y mas fuerte, en el sentido de que nada podia mover mi forma de pensar, si pensaba de una manera, actuaba igual, no este manojo de contradicciones, hipocresia e imperfeccion, yo no era esa persona que ahora soy. And i hate every single bit of it. Claro, estoy trabajando en ello, poco a poco, pero a veces me desespera y me averguenzo de mi misma. Como carajos llegue a estar como estoy ahora? Y porque? Despues se preguntan porque ando emo, es que se que me da coraje aveces.

Ugh, volvieron los post amargosos... :S ew...

Sayo~

Oh baby, i've been told that i'm goin' crazy~

(I fukken wish i had this body)

So i thought that i was ok. I was getting skinnier and shit... but damn WAS I WRONG! I can't do this alone, somehow i need Ana, i can't do it alone. From the wonderful 169lbs i got to 172.6lbs today.... I find myself preparing fattening food and binging like crazy, when i had like 2 months of good behavior. Seems like i CANNOT eat cuz otherwise, the pounds are gonna creep in AGAIN, and God knows i'm not letting this happen again, fuck noes!! I'm in such rage right now, i can't even think straight...

Ugh.... i'm training myself again to HATE by all cost all the food, i'm gonna survive with apples, vitamins, tea and cold water only, maybe... maaaybe i'll eat some meat once a week so i don't feel that bad. God, this is IT!! I can't believe i was so naive to trust that damn food, fuck! I need to drop 40 lbs from here to June, so i need to work extra hard, even more now that mom didn't renewed my gym membership, i guess i'll do some exercise here, any ideas u guys :S?

I'm so lost, but i know i'm gonna get outta this somehow.

Or i'll die trying.

Sayo~

Cuz we are broken~

This is just an "im-alive" post :D!!

Down to 169lbs!

More to go :P!!

Sayo~

Ignorance is yr new best friend~

So, idk what to say. Im in 175 :D yay me! But i haven't lose a single pound cuz i overdid it in Thanksgiving, at least im not fatter ;) that's all that matters. I guess i'll need to starve a lil more and go back to excersise~ Oh my, so many things to do... so little time.

Sayo~

puɐʇsɹǝpun oʇ ɯǝǝs ʇ,uop noʎ puɐ~

A shame you seemed an honest man...~

And that's how the song goes. I love "Duvet", i remember spending hours and hours laying in my bed in Santo Domingo, hearing that one song with the volume at its loudest, my mind in another hole universe, relaxed, in my own sanctuary. Those were the days.

So :] in other news O: thanksgiving is coming next week. Sigh xD.

Sayo~

There's a hole in the earth~

Yes. Addicted to Deftones now...

:] And i'm feeling like in the photo, getting out of a labyrinth that it seems that took me forever to figure it out. Nearly 20 years. I am feeling so great I can't even belive is me anymore. Somehow i feel the old me died that April and in 7 months, another one was born.

Now i have new layout. I was inspired by the color purple, the fave one of my bf Isa ^^ i liek it, it's very dark and girly at the same time. And about my weight loss, i am weighting 176lbs. Yes, i'll talk a lot about this because is my main problem now. I still want to get down to 132-135 pounds so i need to work harder.

I finally got into college xD and well, nothing else is new.

SayO~

No one knows except for both of us~

So O_o i wuz feeling kinda unmotivated with the whole "keep eating air/u gotta lose weight" carnival, so tired that when i woke up this afternoon (lol, i sleep a lot) i went to the corner where my scale is with my expectations in the fukken ground... when... HOLLY FUKKEN JESUS ON A POGO-STICK D8!!!!!!!!!! I AM WEIGHTING 179 POUNDS?!?!? YOUS IZ TROLLIN ME D:!! *goes to the nearest window to scream outta happiness*

I haven't seen that fukken 7 in a good while and XD it feels sooo good to finally meet again >:D cuz from the day i stepped in USA to live, i just ate and ate and.... ate a lil more, so the pounds began to accumulate more and more, u know the rest... got obese and shit. It wasn't easy for a fairly chubby girl like me to be trapped in a "shell" of fatness, that wasn't normal... being nearly 230 pounds with only 20 years old :S it was very sad, that wasn't Jen at all!!

But now :$ well, i still have a lot of work to do in the next months, cuz it's the middle of my goal. I am hoping to drop another 44 pounds to get to my ideal weight (a little less would be very, very nice). I wanted to tnx too to all my friends :) i really don't know how i got such amaizing angels to be helping me out all this time, i know i've been very annoying these months, throwing a fit every day that i was stuck in the numbers of the scale, celebrating with me in this journey, giving me advices (u guys don't have to do it, still ;u; u do!) and threating me if i don't go to the gym XDDD some of you may think is not a big deal, but to me, means the WHOLE FUKKEN WORLD!! I've had my numerous weak days when i wanna fuck it all and eat some cake, but with your support, i can do anything! From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU!! (U guys know who u are, ;) im not even gonna say names). May the journey continue ;D!!

That's all for today~

It's been a fukken while without writting...

Sayo!~