It's been a while.
But i always come back to write shit that bothers me. Like expectations. Yesterday, while i was in Boston visiting my little bro, i took a moment to see (500) Days of Summer because my ex-husband told me it was the most amazing romcom ever, and that i'd enjoy it. And i did, i was forcing myself not to cry, because the storyline it's just the story of my life. Being heartbroken, always. Being the one who is cursed. Loving people who either don't deserve it or they won't return my feelings. Then again, nobody asked me to fall in love with them, but it hurts anyways.
Now, why the title? Why not a piece of a lyric of a song like i always do?
Because it's true.
Most of the time, my imagination is fucked. It creates this scenarios and this situations that, even tho very inside of me i know wouldn't happen, they kinda give me hope. It should be illegal for me to do that. :( Getting all happy for something that is so fragile and so ephemeral... i am ashamed. For a brief moment, i thought "we could actually live like this" and i saw myself growing old with him again, doing the same mistake i made months again. WTF is wrong with me? I need to stop it, even if we were on a relationship, which i fucking doubt, i wouldn't want to wake up every morning wondering if he still loves me, cuz let's be clear, i know i don't make him feel half as good or happy as he makes me feel. He's the one who only with saying hi drives me nuts and gives me a myriad of butterflies and i'm the one who would have to change myself to the core just to have him around. And i guess is not worthy. Yet still hurts... he still has a big part of my heart that he ripped a while ago, after all these years together, i can't help it.
Change of topic... gotta find some hobbie to do with my damn free time... ugh... organization fail lately...
And im stuck in the 167lbs... FML...
Sayo~
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